Kosovo gay rights only look good on paper

No matter where you come from it is clear that being homosexual is not easy. Even in the most progressive countries, young people struggle with their sexual orientation. When we look at Europe, eastern European countries especially have more problems accepting gay sexuality.

'Equal' but invisible

It is a sunny day in Pristina. I walk through the streets near the police station. The office for the Center of Equality and Liberty (CEL) must be here somewhere. During this moment I ask people where the office is, they do not know. They have never even heard of it. Desperately, I show a taxi driver the address. He can take me there.

Even now that I am standing in front of the building I do not see a sign of the CEL organisation anywhere. I decide to call th office. A friendly female voice tells me she will meet me outside the entrance. Once I have arrived at the building, we have to go up to the 9th floor. I still cannot see the name of the NGO anywhere. Only when inside do I see the rainbow colours that represent the homosexual community.

As I sit in a kind of waiting room, a young man introduces himself, Blert is 28 years old. I write now that " a young man " introduced himself, but actually, I was not sure at the time whether I was talking to a man or a woman. Soon it became clear to me that Blert was born as a girl but he did not, and will never recognise himself in his female body. I explain why I am late. Blert laughs and says that it is not easy to find your way here. " The street names change every year. Every celebrity who visits Kosovo we honour with a street. It is no longer possible for the taxi drivers to keep up with it ''. The 28-year-old transgender also explains why you do not see the name of the organisation anywhere, it is simply too dangerous. The organization moves to a different location every year. The moment people find out that the LGBTQ community is visiting their building, CEL is bullied to a new location.

The fight with your own feelings

Carefully I try to find out more about Blert. The moment I tell him that I am from the Netherlands, the conversation becomes easier as most of the money that CEL received comes from the Netherlands. ''When I was in Holland I saw two gay people kissing each other on the street. I just sat somewhere to watch it and enjoy. I'm sure that they thought that I was crazy,'' he said. Blert always knew that he was different from others but he did not know that he was transgender. When he had to wear a skirt as part of his school uniform, Blert asked if he could wear pants. The school management did not accept this.

"I came out when I was 23-24. Before I told my parents that I wanted to be a boy, I had packed all my stuff because I was sure that they would ask me to leave their house. That happens the most of the times here in Kosovo."

The reaction of his family, however, was better than expected. Blert's sister indicated that she always knew. His mother was especially concerned about what their neighbours and extended family would say and his father was surprisingly down-to-earth. "If my brother had said he wanted to be a girl, it would have been totally different than when I said I wanted to be a boy,'' he explained. Blert refers to the Balkan culture as a place where a man must be as masculine as possible.

The acceptation problem goes beyond national borders

The difficulty to accept homosexuality goes further than the border for Albanian Kosovars. Even Valdet Selimaj who grew up in America but has a Kosovar family knows how difficult it is to be gay in Kosovo. " I am a homosexual and that is no problem for my family and friends. When I went back to Kosovo I saw how invisible the gay community is. I have met uncles who are certainly gay, but they just have a wife and children," he said. I understood these words from Valdet. When writing about gay sexuality in Kosovo, I expected a similar feeling to when you buy a new car and suddenly start seeing the same car everywhere. But nowhere will you see two men, in love with each other, walking hand in hand. Even in open-minded bars, because real gay bars do not exist here, homosexuality is hidden.

Valdet has a blog in which he describes what it is like to be gay in Kosovo. Many homosexuals who have questions write to Valdet. One of the main questions asked is when to 'come out'. "My main tip would be to continue using the internet to connect Albanians around the world. There is a bigger support system than most people know of. I would also say that if you want to get out of the closet, only do it if it is safe - physically but also financially," he said. Valdet refers to the fact that many young people are financially dependent on their parents because of high unemployment in Kosovo. As a result, they often have no place where they can go when their parents throw them out.

Ignorance causes lack of acceptance

According to Linridon Veliu (25), who has been working for LGBTQ organisations for years, ignorance is the biggest problem in Kosovo. "We try to explain to people what all terms mean. Many Kosovars do not even know what a transgender is," he said.

Linridon indicates that every city in his country is different. In cities in the north, where people are more religious and less progressive, teachings about the LGBTQ community and the associated terminologies is not always accepted.

"Last month in Mitrovica students walked out of the room because they did not want to listen to the things we wanted to say"

Nevertheless, according to Blert, explanations remain important. In his eyes, too many people cannot be themselves in Kosovo."You see people changing the moment that they enter our door. On the street, the same people do not talk to me, they are too afraid that their family and friends will find out that they are gay," he said.

CEL organised the first Kosovo gay parade last year. Blert sees this as a first step in the right direction. He thinks homosexuality should be much more prominent. Not only to make Kosovo look good to the outside world but because he wants to see real change. Right now acceptance of the LGBTQ community is only 'happening' because of the current laws in place. "People now see acceptance as a condition of being part of the EU, but that's it. We need someone from the outside who helps us see that accepting the LGBTQ community is genuinely important."